


What If I Said

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, First Times, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song helps Jim and Blair open up about their feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If I Said

## What If I Said

by Adelle

Disclaimers: All pre-existing characters, including Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, and Simon Banks are property of UPN and Pet Fly Productions and I promise to return them unharmed as soon as I get done with them. "What If I Said" is an actual song sung by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner and is owned by Warner Brothers Records Inc. Again, I am just borrowing it. No copyright infringement is intended, and I do this for my own pleasure, not for money. 

Notes: This is my first attempt at fan fiction and has not be beta'd, so any mistakes are completely my own. I will welcome all praise and constructive criticism, but if you hate it, don't complain to me about it. After all, you didn't HAVE to read it. Not to mention, you don't want to bruise my ego. 

This is just a piece about Jim and Blair discovering that they have feelings for each other, and there is nothing hard core about it. I just heard the song and thought that it might help them with expressing their feelings, so I decided to write this story. 

When you read the song, it is sung by a duet. *Words in closed by asterisks are sung by the female solo, Anita Cochran.* +Words inclosed by plus signs are sung by the male solo, Steve Wariner.+ *+Words inclosed in both are sung by both together.+* 

* * *

It had been and exceptionally long day. The Leach case, a case that had involved two murders and at least three more attempts on prominent Cascade business people, was finally over and the prep responsible was locked up without the hope of getting out anytime soon. It had been a particularly gruesome case that had taken its toll on both Jim and Blair. Blair, at least, could not get the images of the murder victims out of his head. He didn't know how Jim could handle it, seeing bodies like that on a semi-regluar basis. Blair was sure that he would never get used to it. 

"Hey, Chief, why don't we grab something to eat to celebrate closing this thing?" 

Blair looked up from where he was finishing up the paperwork at Jim's desk. Jim was grabbing his coat and smiling at him expectantly. 

"Sure, Jim, just let me finish up here..." Blair trailed off as Banks stuck his head out of his door. 

"Ellison, in here." 

Jim turned with a look of disappointment on his face to his captain. 

"Don't worry, this will only take a minute, and then you can go home," Simon told him when he saw that his friend was ready to leave. 

With a "be right back" to Blair, Jim followed Banks back into his office. 

Blair watched Jim's back as he left. Funny, he had been watching the man as both a sentinel and a cop for three years now, but he had never noticed how...beautiful he was. Watching the way his muscles played as he walked, Blair had to shake himself out of his own little zone out. 

Suddenly, Blair remembered where he was and tore his eyes off his roommate. Ok, so he had been fighting an increasing battle since he moved into the loft with Jim. It wasn't as if he had a chance, even if he was sure that was what he wanted. No, one thing was certain, Jim Ellison was off limits. 

* * *

Jim was seated in Simon's office watching Blair at his desk, hard at work. There was just something about Sandburg, his long, curly hair, the deepness of his blue eyes, his mouth, his slim, but fit body.....oh, hell, it was probably all that and more that was driving Jim up the wall. 

He wasn't normally attracted to guys, and the fact that he was attracted to Sandburg scared the hell out of him. While he saw nothing wrong with guys that liked other guys, he never expected to be one of them. Especially with Blair, his roommate, his Guide, is best friend, his little brother.... 

"So, how does two weeks from Friday sound?" 

Simon's question startled Jim out of his thoughts. Reviewing what he had heard Simon saying, even if he hadn't been really listening, he realized that Simon wanted to know if Jim and Blair would like to do a little camping and fishing with Simon and his son, Daryl. 

"Sounds good to me, Simon. I'll have to talk it over with Sandburg, of course, but I wouldn't doubt but what he wouldn't mind a little time out of the city." 

Simon smiled in spite of himself. He was amazed that Jim had actually followed that he had been saying. While Jim was positive that he had been covering his actions, Simon hadn't failed to notice Jim watching his partner out in the bullpen. Just as he hadn't failed to notice where Blair's attention had been right after he had called Jim into his office. He wondered yet again when they would at least admit to themselves the mutual attraction. He considered saying something about it, but reconsidered for the moment, after all, his people lived their own lives and what they did in their own personal time was their business. 

"Well, that's good," he said instead. "When I talk to Daryl tonight, I'll tell him it's a go, unless something come up." 

'Unless something comes up...' Jim thought was a wiry grin. It was funny how everything made him think of Blair. He closed his eyes and tried to control what the though of his partner did to him. It was always especially bad right after a major case. It must be working in close quarters with him, and then the release of finishing it that made him feel this way. Yeah, that was it, purely logical, and he could handle logic. 

"Was there anything else, Captain?" Jim asked, his voice surprising calm. 

"No, other than I wanted to say that you and Sandburg did a really good job out there on this case..." 

Simon's voice trailed off and he appeared to be weighing his next words very carefully. "You two look like you could really use sometime to settle down back into your lives. I know that you have been run ragged here the past few weeks. Take some time to talk about things." Simon held up his hands to forestall Ellison's protest, and then continued. "I know that it isn't like being married or something, but sometimes even friends and roommates have to make sure they are at least in the same chapter. Do you understand what I mean, Jim?" 

Ellison blinked at this captain, "I believe so, sir," was all that he managed out loud. In his mind, he was running through the possibilities. Could Simon tell how he felt? It appeared that was the case. If he couldn't keep it from Simon, how on earth would he be able to keep it from Blair? It wasn't like he had a chance with his girl-magnet, table-leg-humping roommate. No, Blair Sandburg was off limits. 

* * *

They had left Major Crimes within five minutes of Jim leaving Simon's office. Blair, after being assured that nothing more vital than a camping trip was discussed, was very relieved to be getting out of station on time for once. 

As they headed for Jim's truck in the parking garage, Jim asked, "Hey, Chief, your call, what do you want to eat? My treat." 

Blair glanced up sharply. It wasn't often that the sentinel offered to pay for the entire meal. "I don't know, man. I was thinking something like Donnie's Pizza or something. I mean, I just feel like doing something different tonight." 

It was Jim's turn to look at his roommate in surprise. As he started the truck, he glanced over at the man in the passenger seat. "What's up? You are volunteering to eat grease?" This was so unlike is normally healthy eating all the way partner. 

"Why not?" Blair asked, suddenly defensive for some strange reason. "It's not like we do this all that often. Anyway, you like his pizza and there is also a salad bad, so not everything in the place is grease. Come on, I just feel like a change of pace, man." 

Jim decided to let it drop for the moment, but resolved to find out what was going on. He had a feeling that something else was going on here, but, as long as it didn't seem to be causing too many problems, he was willing to leave it alone for the moment. 

* * *

Blair was relieved when Jim let the subject drop. He was going to have a hard enough time managing to tell Jim about the way that he felt without his roommate pressuring it out of him in the truck. Hell, that was the reason for the chance of pace. He was hoping that it would help him to get the guts to explain it to his friend. 

'Man, this was not going to be easy,' Blair thought. The first, and most obvious thing was that Jim was a sentinel. There was no way the he could fool himself into thinking that he was going to be able to hide how he felt forever. Jim would find out somehow, and then, most likely, Blair would be out of the loft in the time that it took to blink. That was the last thing that he wanted. 

Maybe, just maybe, talking about it now, before he lost the sentinel's trust, would advert that possibility. He wasn't certain what would happen, or what he wanted to happen, but if he and Jim could get through this without losing their friendship, Blair decided that how it happened wouldn't matter as much. 

* * *

Blair was unusually quiet during the drive across town to Donnie's. The sentinel decided it was for the best. The kid would tell him what was up when he was ready. Jim was sure of that. And it gave him a chance to think about what Simon had said. 

Thinking back, he realized that what Simon had said had not immediately meant that he knew how Jim was feeling. He wasn't even certain that Simon would approve if he didn't already know. 

But it still left open the question about how to act around Sandburg. It was becoming more and more apparent that, as these feelings grew, he would not be able to hid it from his roommate for very much longer. 

The only question was how to handle this without spooking his guide. While the kid had been around for a few years now, he was so unlike the person that moved into the loft all that time ago. Jim was very concerned that if he came on too strong, Blair would be out of the loft, and probably out of Cascade, in the time that it took to blink. The friendship was too important to him for that kind of risk. He just had to find a way to explain this to his roommate, while assuring him, that no matter how he reacted, nothing would happen to him. 

* * *

Dinner, for the most part, had gone pretty well, with both Jim and Blair idly talking about the case and what they would be doing now that it was over. Blair was going to be doing some extra research at the university for a paper in a class that he was taking. Jim would be, baring a murder or similar investigation, helping out Rafe and Brown, who had been taking on too many of the smaller cases while Jim and Blair had been on the Leach case. 

They were almost done eating, and Blair sill hadn't figured out how to bring up the subject of his feelings. Man, he was definitely not an expert on doing something like this. If this had happened three years ago, he would have wasted no time getting the hell out of Cascade. Maybe that was what he should be doing rather than sitting here trying to work up the courage to talk so candidly with the best friend that he had ever had. Blair shook his head at that thought. 'It's about friendship, remember, Sandburg?' he cursed himself in his head. 

Thinking he might work himself into the subject, he asked, "So, how are you and Sharon doing?" 

Jim looked up, slightly startled. He and Sharon he gone out more than a few times, but with he time he had spent of the case, he hadn't seen her in the past couple of weeks. Even though she said that she understood about the job interfering with his personal life, the last time that they had talked, she seemed to be getting a little restless. He told Blair as much. 

Blair absorbed this and looked like he was going to say something more when they were both startled by the jukebox, which each of them had forgot that they had sat down near, came to life. The music was a type that neither of them cared for that much, but Jim noticed that Blair was listening intently to the words. The melody was soft and easy to follow, and soon even Jim was being carried away. 

*We've been friends for a long, long time,   
You tell me your secrets, and I tell you mine.   
She's left you all alone and you feel like no one cares,   
But I have never failed you, I've always been there.*   
+You tell your story, it sounds a bit like mine.   
It's the same old situation that happens every time.   
Oh, can't we see that maybe you and me,   
It's what's meant to be, or do we disagree?+ 

Chorus   
*What if I told you?*   
+What if I said?+   
*+That I love you.   
How would you feel?   
What would you think?   
What would we do?   
Do we dare to cross that line   
Between your heart and mine?+*   
*Oh, would I lose a friend?*   
+Or find a love that would never end?+   
*+What if I said?+* 

*She doesn't love you, oh, it's plain to see.   
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me.*   
+And he doesn't hold you, the way a woman should be held.   
How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself?+ 

Chorus 

*+We've both had our share of lonliness.+*   
*So who's to say that we can live in a life in happiness*   
+And if I found that in you+   
*You could make my dreams come true.*   
+Oh, would you walk away,+   
*Or hear what I have to say?* 

*What if I told you?*   
+What if I said?+   
*+That I love you.   
How would you feel?   
What would you think?   
What would we do?+* 

*+Do we dare to cross that line+*   
*Between your heart and mine?*   
+I've always wondered   
From the day that we met.+   
*What if I said?*   
+What if I said?+   
*+What if I said?+*   


* * *

Jim shook himself out of the slight zone out that he had slipped into listening so intently to the song. Yeah, right, here he was, about to confess to his straight roommate that they needed to spend a little more time apart because he needed some time to get over how he was feeling, and one song makes him think that Blair might actually have feelings for him, too. Ok, Ellison, it was time to leave the dream world behind. 

But when he opened his eyes and looked at his guide, he considered that maybe he hadn't left the dream yet. Even though the song was over, and only sounds in the normal range of hearing was the light buzz of the conversations around them, none of them particularly interesting, Blair still seemed to be intently focused on what now only he could hear. For a moment, he feared that the other man had slipped into some kind of zone out. 

"Blair?" he asked softly, and when Sandburg didn't respond, he tried a couple of times more, louder each time. Faintly, he remembered that when he zoned out, Blair often had to make physical contact with him to get him to come out of it. 

Jim reached across the table, and took one of Blair's smaller hands into his own. "Chief, you with me?" 

Blair came back with a start. First, he glanced at Jim, then looked down at where their hands were joined. It didn't take a sentinel to tell that his guide had started shaking, and Jim immediately became concerned. While he left his hand in Jim's without resistance, he was suddenly looking everywhere but at the man across from him. 

"Chief, look at me, what is wrong?" 

When the younger man refused to look at his roommate, Jim reached out with his other hand, and cupped Blair's face so that he could turn his head to meet his eyes. The soft touch was like many they had shared in the past, but now it sent Jim to the edge of his control, and instead of calming Blair, his shaking only increased. 

It took a long moment before Blair finally met his eyes, but when he finally did, Jim was suddenly convinced that he was dreaming. The passion that Jim himself was fighting was clearly evident in the other man's eyes. Jim was so startled that he let his hand fall from where it was cupping his partner's face and the other grasped the other man's more tightly. 

Blair immediately knew what had happened. Jerking his hand away from Jim's, he pulled himself far back into the booth to get as far away from his friend as possible, drawing in on himself. 

"Shit, man, I didn't mean for this to happen. I thought it would just go away." He was so intent on what he was saying that he didn't see Jim try to reach across the table to calm his fears with a touch, didn't realize that his roommate slid out of his own side of the booth to slide in with his guide, or that Jim put his arm around his shoulder. "I don't know what is going on here. This isn't normal for me. I've never felt this way before, not about anyone, and definitely not about a guy. Man, I've probably ruined it all now. Listen, I know you don't want to have to deal with me now. Give me a couple of days. I'll find my own place, and I will be out of your hair." 

"Blair, I can't let you do that," Jim put in the first time that his partner paused for a breath. Blair looked at him sharply, but Jim could tell he was not totally aware of what was going on. 

'Oh, God, he hates me,' Blair thought to himself. The tears that had been threatening till that point finally spilled from his eyes. "Ok, then, I'll be out of the loft as soon as we get back and I can get my stuff together. Then you won't ever have to see me again." 

Keeping one hand around his friend's shoulder, gently massaging even though Blair was not aware of it yet, Jim brought his other hand up to the other man's lips to quiet him. When he turned to look at the sentinel, he finally became aware of the other man sitting in the booth with him. There was something that he almost didn't recognize in his eyes as Jim reached up to brush the tears off his cheek. 

"There is another way to deal with this, but you have to trust me. And you also have to tell me if you want me to stop, if this isn't what you want. Will you do that for me, Chief?" 

Numbly, hardly believing what was happening, all Blair could do was nod. 

Jim's hand slid from Blair's cheek down to his neck. Anticipating what would happen next, the younger man closed his eyes. The first touch of their lips was very tentative, then, slowly, the sentinel molded his lips to his guide's. Opening his senses to the fullest even as he parted Blair's lips, he sent his tongue into the other man's mouth. Tracing and exploring every part of his mouth, he moved his hand up to kneed through the long, dark hair. 

When he began to pull back for a breath, he had barely taken it before Blair's hand came up to pull him back down to his lips. He softly moaned as Blair nibbled on his lower lip before exploring his mouth thoroughly. 

When they pulled apart, the both realized that they were still sitting in the booth at the restaurant. To Blair's relief, no one was watching them. 'Thank the gods for small favors,' he thought to himself. 

"You worry about it, don't you, Chief? You worry about what other people think, how it looks." It was really more of a statement than a question. 

Blair looked at the first and only man that he had ever kissed. Nothing he had ever experienced had felt so right, but his mind was still putting up quite a fight. 

"Man, it's not what it looks like," he said in a very low voice, knowing that the sentinel could still hear him. When Jim's face clouded, he rushed to add, "You heard what I said a minute ago. I meant every word of it, every word." A chill ran down his spine at the thought of what he would have given up. 

"Shh...It's okay, that's not going to happen, I won't let you get away from me now, not unless you feel that you need to." Jim's voice was soft and soothing, and Blair felt a rush from both the security and the freedom that Jim was offering him. 

The younger man took a deep breath and then continued, "It's just the fact that I am not used to this. I've never...loved a guy before. It's a totally new experience for me. I don't know if I can handle it. Not that I'm ashamed of you, 'cause I'm not, I just don't know where to go from here. I never imagined you would feel the same way about me, so I never thought about what would happen." 

Jim's arm was still around his shoulders and he took comfort in the fact that Jim hadn't released him.. He leaned back into the sentinel's chest, just to take in all he could of the other man's presence. 

"Is that all you're afraid of?" Jim's voice was also low and close to his ear. When he nodded slightly, the older man continued. "I've never had feeling for another guy, either. While I am sure that we both know something about what can happen now, I am positive that I want to move slowly. I want to do this right, for both of us. I have a feeling that if we just take our time, everything will work itself out. And I do mean everything, Chief, from the physical part ot how other see us. All I need to know right now is that I love you, Blair Sandburg, and that is something that is not going to change." 

Blair was close to tears for the second time that night. He had a feeling of complete peace as he looked into the eyes that he knew so well and said, "I love you, too, Jim." 

End 


End file.
